Don't Mess With The Human
by MsDelightfullyInsane
Summary: Bella is the victim of a Halloween prank courtesy of the Cullens. Bella is so angry about the trick that she becomes hellbent on revenge. Vampires should know: Hell hath no fury like a woman-or in this case human-scorned.


**This is my own Halloween Special!**

**I know I should be updating my other story, but I have writer's block. Sorry. PM me if you have any ideas for the next chapter of ****School Sucks****.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight, Dr. Pepper, South Park, etc., me no own.**

**Bella POV:**

I sighed. It's Halloween in Forks, and I am stuck here watching reruns of South Park, while my friends are out partying at Mike's place. It's not like I wasn't invited, it's just that the Cullens invited me to spend Halloween with them. But for now, they are group hunting. And now I am alone in their house.

I looked around the living room. It was painted a cream color, with many paintings on the wall of flowers, animals, and fruit. The paintings were not busy and animated, but calm and neutral. There was a large, chocolate colored sectional in the center of the room, which I was seated on. The 55-inch HD television was hanging on the wall, above the brick fireplace. There was no fire lit, probably because the Cullens are very flammable. The chandelier, Victorian-styled, was hanging far above the coffee table, lighting up the room.

I was watching the Whale Whores, an episode of South Park, **(AN: I am a HUGE fan of South Park) **and Cartman was singing Poker Face when I heard this creaking noise from the stairs of the Cullen household.

When you live in a home of vampires whose mother, for all intents and purposes, is practically an interior designer right out of HGTV, there is usually nothing old and/or broken in this home that could cause a sound like that. Especially when vampires can walk without making a sound.

I looked up at the stairs; saw nothing, so I looked back at Cartman.

I heard the sound a second time, so I got up and climbed the first 5 steps, saw nothing again, and went back to the couch.

Suddenly, the lights went out, while the TV was somehow still on. I was a little freaked out.

I went to go turn the light back, but it wouldn't work. No matter how many times I flicked the switch, nothing happened.

Now, I'm a lot freaked out.

_Relax, Bella. If anything bad happens, you know you can just call up Edward, or any of the Cullens, and they'll be here before you can say "vampire."_

Then, to my surprise and freaked-outness, the TV flicked to the news channel. They had Halloween symbols around the screen. Oh yeah. It's Halloween. All this stuff is just a bunch of pranksters' idea of a prank.

Lightning struck a couple hundred yards away from the house and the booming sound of the thunder soon followed. I shuddered in fear.

_It's just thunder, Bella! Calm down!_

I decided to walk, and by walk I mean sprint, up the stairs to call Edward. I know it seems selfish, to distract Edward from hunting, but I am really scared. That's what boyfriends are for, right?

As I made my way up the stairs, I noticed Alice's room's door was open. Alice's room was painted a light blue, probably because of her bubbly personality. Her California King sized bed was in the center of the room, with silver and blue bedding. The door to her walk-in closet was slightly open, with many gaps where her clothes should be. It seemed like more clothing was gone than usual. On one wall, there was a very large bay window, giving a great view of the forest. On the wall opposite the bed, there was a large media system. Her 42-inch TV was still on, with the news playing. I listened to the current story.

"Many have been murdered by the Hallows Eve Killer. Every one of his or her victims was last seen in a Halloween costume before they met their untimely deaths. The killer only strikes during the week of Halloween, and has never been captured. For the last two years, the killer has remained dormant, but 7 murders have already been reported in the past 6 days. The police suspect the killer is a copycat, although no leads have been found."

I immediately changed the channel to MTV Hits, where Thriller by Michael Jackson was playing. I was so freaked out I was shaking. I slowly back out of Alice's room.

I continued walking, and by walking I still mean sprinting, to Edward's room to call him. But as I closed the door behind me, I screamed.

There was a dead body of Mike Newton hung up on a coat hook.

It was bloody and mangled, and his clothes were torn at the edges. The body was already pale, and turning blue. He was in a Freddy Kruger costume. I was already hyperventilating, so I tried to calm down and I picked up the phone.

It was dead.

I started crying. I suddenly saw my cell phone on Edward's bed. Oh. I must have left it there after we started kissing. Oh, Edward's cool, skilled lips….

WAIT!

I have to focus. I sat on Edward's bed and dialed his number. It immediately go to voicemail. His phone must have phone died on him. I tried to call Alice, Emmett, Jasper, and even Rosalie, but all of the phones were already dead or the service call was dropped. Carlisle and Esme left their phones here.

Okay… now I am fully freaked out. If there was a freaked out meter, I'd be a 789.5 million right now.

I ran out of Edward's room back to the living room. I was going to call the police/my dad. But I stopped dead (okay, bad choice of words) in my tracks when I saw Lauren hanging on a noose from the chandelier.

Eh, well. I never really liked her anyway.

I saw in my peripheral vision something on the couch. I screamed.

Tyler's dead body was sitting up on the couch, right where I was sitting just a few minutes ago, with what looked like a ball stuck in his throat. I opened his mouth and saw it was a jawbreaker. **(AN: If someone can tell me what movie that is from, I'll give you a virtual strawberry cheesecake!) **He was dressed as Jason Voorhees.

I screamed again. I ran to the front door, opened it, and was greeted with the sight of Jessica, dressed as a purple crayon, with several stab wounds on her chest. I knew immediately she was not breathing.

I nearly puked at the sight.

I ran to my truck. It was pouring rain, with thunder and lightning striking every couple minutes. I was soaked in less than 10 seconds, but I didn't care. I needed to get out of the Cullen house. I reached my ancient truck, and struggled to open the door. I ripped it open and rested my head on the steering wheel. I was freezing cold, but the coolness of the wheel was making me a little less hysterical. I slowly picked my head up, ready to drive away, when I saw Ben in the passenger seat. A pair of scissors was lodged in his throat.

I burst out of my truck and ran into the front yard, were tucked under the stairs was Angela, sporting a Wizard of Oz Cowardly Lion costume. Dead. It looked as if her heart was ripped out of her chest.

Suddenly, she climbed out from under the stairs, smiling slightly. I turned and ran back to my truck, trying to shove Ben's body out from my truck. His hand shot out and tried to grab me. I inched away, terrified. Then, my back window shattered. Lauren, with a noose around her neck, Mike, Jessica, Angela, and Tyler were coming towards me. Rain was seeping into the front of my truck. I scrambled out of my car ran back to the house. The rain was coming down heavier than before, blinding me as I clumsily sprinted to my home. I made it inside, locked the doors and windows, as the alleged zombies were moving slowly towards the front door. As I just started to calm down, a hand broke through the glass of the windows. It was Angela's. I noticed the charm bracelet I got her for her birthday. More hands broke through the window, as the zombies versions of my friends made their way into the living room. I saw a figure through the window, with a pumpkin knife in hand, laughing.

I fainted.

_**-Three Hours Later-**_

"Do you guys think she is okay?" Esme's worried voice inquired.

"Yeah, sure. She only fainted," Rosalie's cold tone answered.

"She doesn't have cuts, bruises, or injuries," Carlisle stated.

"That was hilarious!" Emmett said through his bellows of laughter.

"I know, right?" Jasper responded, chuckling lightly.

"I'm afraid she'll be mad, but it was totally worth it! She'll forgive me, won't she?" I knew that was Edward speaking.

"Totally," Emmett reassured him.

"Guys, I wouldn't talk so loud. She's about to open her eyes, and I wouldn't be surprised if she could hear us now. I hope she isn't mad. It was so funny," Alice piped up.

"Oh, don't worry. She can't hear us. We're too quiet to hear." I'm not sure who said that.

My eyes fluttered open. I saw the faces of the Cullen clan and sighed a breath of relief.

"What happened?" My voice was a little husky from being knocked out for so long.

Carlisle was about to speak, but Emmett beat him to it.

"Oh, you fell asleep on the couch when we got home. Don't worry, you're fine. It's only 8:30."

I guess it was all a dream. But that doesn't explain the conversation I heard. I was about to ask them for a glass of water before I noticed my surroundings. I was in Edward's room, in the center of his King-sized iron bed. I was place on top of the gold duvet. I looked up at the Cullens. They were wearing their normal hunting clothing; jeans, cargos, and t-shirts.

Worry was plastered over their faces, except Rose's, but that was expected. But in their eyes there was something different. It looked like a mix of amusement and smugness.

"May I have a glass of water?" I asked, my voice cracking slightly.

"Of course Bella. Rose, can you get her some water?" Esme asked.

"Whatever," she answered back as she retrieved my water a matter of seconds.

I took the bottle from her hands and took a long sip. I didn't realize how thirsty I was, and I ended up downing over half the bottle. But my eyes flickered to Rosalie's hand and I saw what looked like the charm bracelet I gave Angela. My eyes also went to Jasper's hair that had traces of black hair dye in it. It almost looked like Tyler's hair color…

Why would she… ?Why would he…? Oh my God. It all clicked together in my brain. The voices before I woke up, the unknown emotions in their eyes, the bracelet, and the hair dye! It was them! They pranked me. I can't believe they could do this to me, especially Edward. I

It took me all of 30 seconds to comprehend this, while I drank the rest of my water bottle.

I looked up and gave Rosalie a quiet thank-you. She nodded her head. I didn't show any signs of realization. I am pretty sure my face held no emotion except confusion; none of them looked guilty or shocked. Not even Jasper noticed my emotions: betrayal and . Maybe he was ignoring them. Alice didn't look guilty either, or knowing to my realization.

Good.

I was pissed! How could they do that to me? I would never do this to them! It nearly gave me a heart attack. Multiple times! I can understand Emmett or Rosalie or even Jasper doing this, but Carlisle, Esme, Alice, and my own Edward? UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!

Well, they should know what this means: war.

I looked up, keeping my face blank.

"It's okay, guys. You can go. But Edward, can you stay? Believe it or not, but I'm kind of tired."

"Sure, love," Edward said lovingly. The rest of the Cullens walked human speed out of the room.

And that's when my beautiful scheme began to form.

-A week later-

I have been planning this all week. It's November 6th.

I made sure to hang out with Jake a lot so I could plot without Alice seeing. I already told him what happened, and he laughed. He did offer to help me after I glared at him, but I convinced him I need to do this on my own. All he needed to do was stand next to me as I plotted.

Edward POV:

Bella has been spending a lot of time with Jacob. I'm not jealous, of course. I trust Bella completely, even though I still despise the dog.

Ah, Bella…

I still feel bad about Halloween, but it was so entertaining. I know, I am Bella's boyfriend, and I should defend her instead of toy with her emotions for my own amusement, but still! I think a good prank is healthy every once in a while. I don't think she'll be too mad at me, would she? Even if she was, I would just dazzle her until she forgot. I don't like manipulating my Bella with my vampire traits, but I don't want her to be upset with me.

I mean, yes, it was mean, but it was still pretty funny.

Emmett POV:

God, last Halloween was hilarious! Bella was so freaked out. She fucking fainted! The plan was flawless; everything went off without a hitch. It was amazing. We need to prank Bella more often. I just hope we don't give her a heart attack next time. Edward probably wouldn't be too happy with that…

It was PRETTY funny.

Bella POV:

I did a lot of research at Jacob's house. I looked on his laptop, and searched some facts on how they accomplished their prank. It was pretty simple when you really looked at it. But my prank was ten times better. It was expensive. It was evil. It was _perfect_. It will scare the shit out of them.

It may be the funniest moment of my life.

And it all happens this Saturday.

Alice POV:

I was looking through some fashion magazines when I had a vision. It was murky, but there's gonna be an Bruno Mars concert in Seattle on Saturday! It was going to be awesome! Bella was bringing tickets right now.

I feel kind of bad for the prank on Bella, but hey.

It was pretty funny.

-Saturday-

Bella POV:

Oh, I love it when a plan comes together.

Everything was falling into place. The Cullens took the bait. Even Carlisle took the night off. He was a real Lazy Song fan. The best part of the concert was the little surprise I had in store for my future family at the end.

We were currently singing along to Grenade, which was right after the Lazy Song. After this song, the concert would be over. The audience would be gone in less than 10 minutes. I whispered in Edward's ear that I would be back in a minute. I was going to get something to drink.

I elbowed my way through the crowd to the concession stand when I was suddenly grabbed from behind, gagged, and blindfolded. I was being carried away by two burly men.

I smiled.

**Alice POV:**

My family and I, with the exception of Bella (who was getting a soda), were standing my Emmett's Jeep and Edward's Volvo. We were waiting for Bella to return, when a vision struck me.

Bella was giving the money to the girl at the concession stand when two strong, muscled men in black hooded coats captured Bella. It looked like the men were from the Volturi, due to the cloaks the men were wearing. The vision faded with the image of Bella gagged in the men's arms engraved into my brain.

"Carlisle, Edward!" Rose, Emmett, Jasper, Edward, Carlisle and Esme leaned in

"I had a vision." Edward, already seeing the vision, was growling, but there was a look of fear and agony in his eyes. Emmett and Jasper were holding him back, but they both looked confused.

"I had a vision that two men who I think are from the Volturi took Bella. I don't know where there are now, but they could be anywhere if they used their speed," I said in one breath. My family gasped in shock. Carlisle was about to say something when the lights on the stage flickered on. That's odd, the concert was over. No one was here except us.

Aro, Marcus, Caius, Jane, Alec, Demetri, and Felix stepped out on the stage. The family tensed and looked up at the members of the Volturi. Bella was in a glass tank, gagged and bounded to a wooden chair. She was looking around frantically, scared out of her wits. She tried to break out from her binds, but could not break free.

Aro;s voice rang out in the silence. "Your time is up," he said.

"Aro, we were about to change her in less than a mon-," Edward started, but was cut off.

"We could not let her live as a human much longer. Felix, Demetri, would you do the honors of getting rid of her?" Caius asked, although I know that 'no' wouldn't be taken as an answer.

"Of course, master," Demetri said.

"Dibs on her neck!" Felix shouted.

Before we could do anything, Felix and Demetri were inside the tank, drinking her dry. Bella was struggling violently, trying to fight them off, but it did no good. I watched helplessly as the life was drained from my best friend. We heard her heart stop less than 2 minutes later. Bella's corpse slumped against the chair, eyes closed. She was more pale than usual, and had two bit marks on her neck and her left arm. I saw the scar on Bella's right wrist from James as two stepped out of the tank, the smell of Bella on them. I got another vision. It wasn't much, just a flash of Edward lunging towards the guard.

"Edward, don't!" I screamed as he pounced. Felix, Demetri, Jane, and Alec grabbed his arms and legs and brought him down. The sound of his cries was heard over the sounds of boulders breaking apart. A fire was started, and the smell of burning marble filled the air. Edward was dead.

We were all shocked at what we saw. Aro looked remorseful, but firm. He was only remorseful because her he wanted Edward as a part of his guard. He didn't care that he just murdered a member of our family.

Esme went for Aro. She wasn't prepared to lose another child, let alone her "first" one. Carlisle went after her, trying to prevent her from walking into a slaughter. I tried to warn them, but it was too late. Their cries were also heard over their bodies being torn apart, and the smell of burning marble became fresh.

Suddenly, we all started growling. They took Bella, then Edward, and now our parents! This has been taken too far. We charged at them, knowing our defeat was eminent. We still had to fight.

Felix grabbed Rose and threw her into the fire.

Emmett pounced on Demetri, who kicked and punched him in the stomach many times. Emmett was too taken involved with Demetri to realize Felix was right behind him. I was going to scream at him but it was too late for him too. He burned alongside Rosalie.

Jasper and I were fighting next to each other, battling Jane and Alec. But we were too involved in each other. We kept switching places trying to help each other out, but Jane and Felix grabbed me, and Alec and Demetri grabbed Jasper. We grabbed hands as we were thrown into the unforgiving fire, ready to meet each other in the afterlife.

**Bella POV:**

My eyes flew open. I gazed down at myself, and took the pocketknife out from my under my hand and sliced through the ropes. Finally free, I stood up from the chair and retrieved the key from under it. I adjusted my shirt and jeans before I used they key to walk out from the glass prison. I took the megaphone from the side of the stage and jogged behind the stage.

"Gotcha!" I yelled through the microphone. The "fire" was still going on, and Edward, Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, and Alice looked up at me, horrified.

Why horrified? Oh, because:

A: I was supposed to be dead.

B: They were supposed to be dead.

And C: ; Edward, Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie in glass tubes filled to the brim with water heated to 150 degrees. They were bounded by titanium shackles and chains, all at least 2 inches thick. They also had clown makeup on, in embarrassing underwear (Barbie, Dora, and Winnie the Pooh), with words such as "jackass" and "bitch" written on them. Their mouths had were duct taped.

I snapped a few pictures, needless to say. Just to be safe, I stuffed the memory card in my bra.

They were all wide eyed.

"You want me to get rid of the duct tape?" I asked, faking concern. They all nodded.

I pressed a different button on the stage, and the water drained from the tubes. I walked to up to each of them, reached down into their individual prisons, and removed the duct tape.

They all started yelling at me.

"Guys!" They ignored me.

"BE QUIET!" They ignored me again.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I yelled through the megaphone.

Ah, silence.

"I guess you are wondering what just happened?" I wondered.

"Yes!" They said in unison.

Okay then.

"Well, on Friday, the scariest thing happened. While you guys were hunting, there was a thunderstorm. The lights went out, and the TV kept changing channels," I started my story.

They all had a blank look on their face, nodding to what I was saying. They looked innocent, but in their eyes was guilt and fear.

"I was so freaked out I ran up the stairs to call you, Edward. But in Alice's room the news was on. It said there was a killer on the loose. He killed everyone in a Halloween costume."

"I got so freaked out I ran into Edward's room and called all your cells, but they were either dead or there was no service. So I ran out of Edward's room, only to see Lauren's dead body hanging from a light, and Tyler's body on the couch. I thought that the killer was trying to scare me. He or she was known to do that. I ran downstairs but on the way I saw Tyler's dead body. So I ran to the front door and opened it, only to see Jessica's dead body in front of me on the ground.

"I ran to my truck only to see Ben's dead body in the passenger seat. I ran out of my truck to the porch steps to see Angela, dead, under the stairs. I ran back to my truck, pushing Ben's dead body out of the door, only to have, you'll never believe it, him stop the door. I thought he was dead. But he was a zombie. He tried to grab me, but I moved away. Then, Lauren, Tyler, Jessica, and Mike, as zombies, broke through the back of the window, trying to get me. But I ran. Angela came at me as well. I ran into the houses locking the windows and doors, only for the zombies to break their hand through the windows. They all climbed in and came at me. The scariest part is that I saw a figure outside the window laughing. Then I fainted."

They all still had blank expressions.

"But it was okay. You guys told me it was a dream. I was happy. I believed you guys. I mean, you are smart enough to know I would have a nightmare on Halloween."

They look relieved. Too bad, so sad.

"But what you didn't know was that when I was drinking my water, my memory floated back to Rosalie's hand. That, for the strangest reason, had the same charm bracelet I gave Angela on."

Rosalie widened her eyes.

"What you didn't know was that when I drank half my water, I saw that Jasper's hair had black dye in it. The same color as Tyler's."

Jasper's eyes grew to the size of golf balls. The rest of the Cullens looked at them as if they committed a crime.

"Oh, but don't blame them. I mean, they were just theories. I'm just a human. A human who couldn't possibly hear what vampires were talking about," I said, looking straight at Emmett.

His eyes widened, too.

"What you didn't know, Emmett, was that when you hang out with vampires for 2 years, some of your senses tend to improve. Like _hearing_.

"But, I had my poker face on and acted innocent. And I let you guys leave. But it was war. So I pranked you."

They all looked at me in shock.

"But I should say, it was a good, but sloppy prank you had. Ben and Angela were Em and Rosalie, Mike was Carlisle, Jessica was Esme, Alice was Lauren and Jasper was Tyler. Edward was the "killer", and you guys shut down the lights. I knew I heard something before the lights went out, and you all got a second remote for the TV. You guys had Alice on your side, so I guess it was easy to look your part. Nice costume effect too. Oh, and don't think I don't know how you paid off a news anchor to record that one story onto two tapes to play while I was watching TV in the living room and Alice's room." I said.

"Questions?" I asked.

They all spoke at once, and I could barely hear myself think.

"SHUT UP!" They abruptly stopped talking.

"Good. Alice, you first," I allowed.

"How in the HELL did I not see this coming!"

"Why do you think I spent all my time with Jacob?"

They looked at me in understanding, except Alice.

Alice nodded, "Nice move."

"Jasper?" I asked.

"How did you fake the fire that allegedly burned us on the stage?"

"Easy. I just simply made marble dummies of all of you. While the real vampires were being thrown, they flew into the trap door, while the dummies were burned. And, honestly, you can't forget the smell of burning vampire. It was pretty easy to find the right scent. "

Shock crossed their faces, with gaping mouths and wide eyes.

"Geez, what's with the wide eyes today? Emmett?"

"How did you convince the Volturi to come here?"

"Dude, I may be an evil genius, but I don't have those types of connections. I just asked the werewolves to dress up as the Volturi. They even had ice gloves and everything to seem vampristic. Rosalie?"

"Why did we feel like we were burning?"

"I put you glass tanks filled with 150 degrees Fahrenheit water. It made the screams more realistic. Carlisle?"

"How did you fake your death?"

"That glass tank I was in, was soundproof, so you didn't really hear my heartbeat. The wolves bit into bags of red Kool-Aid, not me. We put the smell of freesia, what Edward said I smelled like, into that tank. Then I 'died.' The sound you thought was my heartbeat was a recording, and we abruptly stopped it to make it sound like I died. Esme?"

"Where did you get these shackles and how did we change clothes and makeup?"

"The shackles were from my dad's collection of old police memorabilia. Jacob and I melted them down to to make these shackles. And one of the wolves would place makeup on you while you were screaming. I guess you guys were too busy to notice. And we also used a bunch of rocks to make it sound like you were being taken apart. Edward, my loving and non-deceitful fiancée?" I said the last part sarcastically.

He looked down in shame. "Why?"

"'Why?''_Why_?' Because I would not let you get away with scaring me to death. And how could all do this to me? Do you think it was funny? Because it was-"

"_Hilarious_!" Emmett bellowed. I silenced him with a glare that rivaled Rosalie's.

"You nearly gave me a heart attack 7 freaking times! Did you think I was going to let you get away with that! I think not! I spent all week planning this. I even stole Edward's credit card to pay for it. I would not let any of you mess with this human."

I walked off, completely intending on leaving them there.

"Oh, and these pictures will be both developed and in the Seattle papers tomorrow. Alice, can I see fashion don't coming up?"

Alice was horrified at the idea.

"I still love all you guys. But I am going to leave you here. But before I go, any last questions?"

They all asked the same one. "Why this?"

"It was totally too extreme!" "We thought we were gonna die!" "We thought that you were dead!" Everyone said simultaneously.

"I thought I lost you!" Edward said, in pain. Oh, now I feel bad.

I looked in his eyes and saw love and hurt. I also saw relief that his plan to butter me up to let him go was working. But I gave him a long kiss.

"I'm sorry." Then, I took a stray guitar on the ground and hit him with it.

"You won't dazzle your way out of this one, mister," I said to him, while he was wincing in pain.

"Think of it this way:iIf it was just a murderer in your house, would you be scared? No. The Volturi are the vampire version of murderers. That's why I chose this prank."

"Bye, guys. Enjoy your night." I walked off towards my truck. In the rearview mirror, I saw them straining against their binds trying to escape. But the metal was too strong.

I laughed as I drove off, but before I heard Emmett say this wasn't over.

I reversed and drove back to them, and climbed onto the stage. I pressed a button, and Emmett's Jeep was in flames.

"_No_!" He yelled.

Now, to my house!

Alice POV:

I can't believe Bella did this. I mean, she's Bella! Kind, forgiving Bella. Not vengeful, evil Bella! But even I couldn't deny it.

It was a great prank.

"It was perfect. The perfect plan." Jasper marveled.

"Remind me to never prank her again." Edward said, with Carlisle and Esme agreeing.

"She was evil, wicked, decisive, patient, vindictive, intelligent, and most importantly, impassive!" Rosalie took a big breath.

"I can respect that." Rosalie finished.

Well. It's only another 18 hours or so we have left to stand here. Might as well enjoy it.

**Happy Halloween! Don't forget about Tyler's death movie challenge thingy! You know, the "strawberry cheesecake" reward!**


End file.
